I entered the addictions field as a chaplain in an adolescent
substance abuse unit. When I first conducted 4th and 5th
Steps I made the mistake of assuming Roman Catholic patients
had an advantage of understanding how the 5th Step worked.
After all, they were familiar with confession. Wasn’t that a freeing
experience?
After hearing horror stories from
many of those clients regarding their
experience with confession, along with today’s media coverage
of sexual abuse by priests, I have learned not to assume that
people have had positive histories with their religions of origin.
Working in that adolescent unit prepared me for my later
work with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT)
clients. I formed an understanding of what I call “spiritual
abuse.” Spiritual abuse occurs when a person’s spirit, or ways a
person practices spirituality, has been attacked.
Many of my early substance abusers refused to go to 12-
Step meetings because of the “God” talk. They would start
reading the steps on the wall and see “God as we understood
him” in Step 3, “Admitted before God” in Step 5 and then say,
“I’m out of here” before getting to “Asked God to remove” in
Step 6! They would argue that they had such terrible memories
of Sunday School, church, or other religious activities that
there was no way they would subject themselves to that kind
of negativity again.
I quickly learned that we needed to distinguish between
religion and spirituality. When conducting groups, I place
these two words up on the white board: RELIGION/SPIRITUALITY.
I then ask the group members to yell out what comes
to mind when they hear each of those words. Typically, they
start with words associated with religion: rituals, money, rules,
Pope, priests, nuns, ministers, rabbis, confirmation, confession,
abuse, obligation, homophobia.
Eventually, someone starts yelling out words for spirituality,
such as peace, serenity, nature, hope, trust, acceptance,
unconditional love, individual, personal, fulfilling.We discuss
attaching a positive or negative to the lists and everyone agrees
that the words on the spirituality side are more positive than
those on the religion side. I emphasize that if they are able to
see the difference between the two, they are more able to work
a program of spirituality.
Those who have such negative feelings about religion mayhave to go about the process of healing from spiritual abuse in
order to work a 12-Step progHealing from
‘Spiritual Abuse’ Assisting Gay and Lesbian Clientsram. To ignore spiritual abuse is
the same as ignoring sexual, physical or emotional abuse as a
part of the healing process. Most of us who are experienced in
this field recognize that unless we work on the whole self,
including physical, sexual and emotional, a
person cannot stay sober. I believe we need
to add “spiritual” to that list. A person with
a damaged soul cannot be a healthy whole person.

I began applying the principles of what we know about
sexual and physical abuse to spiritual abuse. First of all,we have
to name it: spiritual abuse. I invite clients who have had negative
experiences with their religion of origin to consider what
happened as spiritual abuse. Next, name the abuser: the name
of the denomination, the local church, clergyperson, parents,
whoever it was for them.

Depending on the severity of the abuse, clients may need
assistance in working through the anger and hurt of what happened
— before the healing process and rebuilding of a spiritual
program can begin. I remind clients of the program cliché,
“Take what you can use and leave the rest.”
There may be aspects of that religion of origin you can use in
your new spirituality, but you don’t have to believe it all. As an
example, I had a group of gay men come to my office when I
was directing a GLBT inpatient program. “We appreciate that
you offer to take us to the various gay churches in town on
Sunday morning. Many of us happen to be Roman Catholic.We
know what the Vatican teaches about homosexuality, but we
still find aspects of the Mass meaningful: particularly the rituals
and Eucharist.” I arranged for them to attend a GLBT-affirming
Catholic church.
Clients’ vulnerability
GLBT clients are especially vulnerable to spiritual abuse.
When they hear comments such as “homosexuality is a sin, an
abomination; sodomizers are condemned to hell” coming
from the pulpit, they experience spiritual abuse.
Who someone is at the core of their existence is their spirit.
Being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is at the core of
someone’s existence. These struggling recovering persons
know that sexual orientation is not a choice. If it were, they
would have taken the easier way long ago.
They have struggled with their identity, and often thatstruggle is what has led them to addictive patterns and behaviors.
The shame of not being what their family and religion of
origin told them they should be has caused them to hide
behind alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, spending, workaholism,
or other compulsive behaviors.
We cannot expect persons who have been so brutally
wounded in spirit to welcome a 12-Step program based upon
spirituality with open arms! We need to recognize the effects
of spiritual abuse, help the people we serve name it, and assist
them in finding a spirituality that works for them. For some,
they will be able to “take what they can use and leave the rest”
by going back to their religion of origin. For others, they will
need to explore other forms of spirituality and will need our
assistance in finding those resources.
For those GLBT clients who desire to stick with their religion
of origin, I offer information on local groups that have
identified themselves as welcoming of GLBT folks without
judgment and in full participation. Many mainline denominations
have national programs that local churches may use to
identify themselves. Examples are the Open and Affirming
Churches (United Church of Christ and Disciples), More Light
Churches (Presbyterian),Welcoming and Affirming (American
Baptist), Reconciling Congregations (United Methodist),
Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran), Supportive (Brethren and
Mennonite), Oasis (Episcopal), Affirming (United Church of
Canada), Inclusive (Great Britain), and Welcoming
Congregations (Unitarian-Universalist).
For those who do not have welcoming churches in their
denomination or who just want the experience of going to a
predominantly GLBT church, I recommend looking in the GLBT
newspapers for the GLBT-identified churches. The largest GLBT
denomination is the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan
Community Churches. MCCs are found in just about every metropolitan
area in the United States and many other places,
including Russia, South America and Australia. There also are a
growing number of non-denominational GLBT churches.
Sometimes I give my clients the assignment of attending
one of these churches just so they have the experience of being
in a predominantly gay environment that is not a bar! GLBT
clients are apt to tell their counselors, “But the only place I can
meet people like me is at a bar.” When I give them the assignment
to go to an MCC or other predominantly GLBT congregation,
they often say, “But I’m not religious.” I tell them I wantthem to go and experience a large group of GLBT people who
are there to celebrate who they are (their spirits). They don’t
have to sing the hymns or pray the prayers. Just sit and take it in.
Alternative spiritualities
For those who want alternatives to traditional Judeo-
Christian congregations, there are growing options as well.The
Radical Fairy Movement in the GLBT community has its roots
in paganism. Paganism is an ancient religion often confused
with Satanism. Paganism is a positive spirituality that appeals to
those clients who want a program based upon nature.
Again, Pagan groups can often be found in the alternative
newspapers of a community or through more traditional
groups such as the Unitarian-Universalist Fellowships.
Challenge your clients to look in newspapers or online to find
a group that matches their needs or expectations for a spiritual
program.
Ancient Native American spirituality has risen in popularity
among some GLBT folks in the last two decades.The attraction
is the way most Native American tribes incorporated what
we would call GLBT persons into “normal” tribal life. They
were often honored for their unique talents and skills. For
example, in some tribes, what we call a GLBT person may be
referred to as a “two-spirited person,” meaning they have special
insight into both male and female spirits. For that reason,
they were often chosen as the medicine man or woman, or
shaman. Imagine that! Instead of being treated as the outcast
for being different, they were chosen as leaders because of
their special gifts.
I have worked with clients who have found serenity in
their spiritual quest by turning to Buddhism, Zen,Tao, and The
Church of Self Actualization, just to name a few others. I tell
them it’s not necessary to be religious to work a program of
spirituality, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to have a supportive
community to combat the isolation of addiction. It’s also
important to have some kind of program or support for your
own spiritual program.
In summary, it is important to recognize that GLBT clients
may have experienced spiritual abuse. They may need help in
identifying such action as abuse in order to find ways to heal
and work a spiritual-based program. Even my clients who are
not in 12-Step based programs benefit from working through
these issues. I always ask during my intake questions, “In whatreligion were you brought up?” I then ask, “Are you active in any religion/spirituality now?” Their responses to these questions assist in developing treatment plans on these issues. Assisting clients in finding a healthy spirituality is an important component
to full recovery. ■
Joseph M. Amico is executive director of the
National Association of Lesbian and Gay Addiction
Professionals and a member of the Addiction
Professional editorial advisory board.
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