My life before the devastation of addiction and mental illness was a mix of glamorous celebrities and hard work.

I was the executive editor of a major publishing company.

I regularly worked with top celebrities in New York, Los Angeles and London.  Lunch with Mick Jagger at the Savoy Hotel was all part of the job.

Sure, I had an exciting career, a nice apartment in Manhattan and a generous expense account.  But I also had the crushing stress that went with a high-powered job and high-living lifestyle.

I began relying on amphetamine to make me work harder and longer.  Then came the tranquilizers and alcohol to handle the stress of my job and my life.

Soon, I was snorting meth and coke, popping sedatives and opiates, and flushing it all down with an ocean of vodka.

My so-called artistic temperament became wild mood swings, full of depression and manic madness.

For several years, I sought out psychiatrists, social workers and counselors to treat my crippling depression, anxiety, and dependency on amphetamine, tranquilizers and alcohol.

That failed again and again.

Soon, I lost everything to my addiction and psychiatric illness.

I lost my career, all my money, my mental health and — most devastating — I lost my will to live.

As a last resort, a psychiatric treatment center on the East Coast transferred me to Rainbow Bridge Community Services in California.

By the time I arrived at Rainbow Bridge, I had been declared chronically mentally ill and homeless by the government.

That’s a long way down from my office on Park Avenue.

I believed I had lost too much to ever recover.

I saw no future except suicide.

I told myself treatment at Rainbow Bridge was my last attempt to get well.  If the treatment failed, i would finally end it all.

Thankfully, the treatment succeeded.

Why did treatment at Rainbow Bridge succeed where so many other professionals had failed?

In my opinion, it’s because of Rainbow Bridge’s gay-affirming approach to the treatment of co-occurring illnesses, combined with an excellent staff and programs.

I entered Rainbow Bridge through its in-patient program, where a psychiatrist developed a medication regimine to stabilize my bipolar disorder for the first time in my life.  Finally I was stable enough to participate in the therapy and support groups that are critical to my recovery from my devastating illness.

Rainbow Bridge brought more stability to my life by ending my homelessness.,  I was provided a safe and nurturing place to live.  First, at the residential program at Frank’s House, where I received the support and structure I desperately needed. Later, I moved to the Sober Living program, where I explored more independence.

Through my individual and group therapy in Rainbow Bridge’s out-patient program, I’ve learned that my addiction has been a way of “self-medicating” to treat my underlying psychiatric illness and past traumas.

My treatment also allowed me to begin healing the toxic shame and self-hatred I have felt by being gay in a straight world.

What is my life like today?

Pretty darn good.

I haven’t had a drink or drug in five years, when I first came to Rainbow Bridge.

I live independently in my own beautiful apartment, within walking distance of the supportive atmosphere of Frank’s House.

As part of my ongoing treatment with Rainbow Bridge, I see an individual therapist once-a-week at Frank’s House, participate twice-a-week in out-patient group therapy, and see a psychiatrist once-a-month for medication management.

Just yesterday I had a breakthrough when I called the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation and registered for their next orientation session.  I finally feel I can try to go back to work part-time.  Perhaps as a freelance writer.  With a lot less stress this time around.

Best of all, I have made a promise to myself.  No suicide.   No matter how challenging my life becomes, I will not end it.  To help me keep my promise, I have the continuing support of Rainbow Bridge Community Services.

David E.

Los Angeles

August 26, 2008